Big Things Come in Small Packages
by The Unrighteous Pen-Pusher
Summary: We shouldn't judge people because of the way they look. Everyone is entitled to a good an healthy relationship. No flaming or raging please. I am entitled to write the truth.
1. Chapter 1

Big things come in small packages

Chapter 1

After being dismissed from Lucius Malfoy's employ, Dobby the house elf experienced exhilaration unlike anything he had experienced before. Freedom and pleasured poured over him as he walked out of the house and disappeared with a crack.

Dobby looked around him, and wondered where he was. This was not the house of Harry Potter. Dobby was very fascinated by Harry Potter. When he had been watching over the boy he had witnessed things that had made him feel warm and bubbly inside, and decided he would devote the rest of his life to the Boy Who Lived.

But this place, this place was not the home of Harry Potter. It had a big phallic structure in the distance and the rows of house were lined up like perfect teeth, except perfect teeth did not have cracks, and they are not brown, thought Dobby to himself.

But then Dobby thought, he did not know what perfect teeth meant so he should really stop stalling. He began walking down the odd street humming the Bohemian Rhapsody even though he had never heard it before.

Dobby was startled as he noticed that he had reached the end of the maze of streets. Inside the house in which he stood at he heard the lyrics of a familiar song being sung by a deep voice: "I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me. Easy come easy go will you let me go? BISMILLAH! No we will not let you go!"

Dobby suddenly felt a creeping feeling under his rag at the sound of the glorius vocals and deep and meaningful lyrics. He found himself bursting in and finding Professor Severus Snape in his underwear, shuffling along with a carrot in hand in which he was singing into.

Dobby began to boogie along with him, but only when the music finished. He continued to boogie as it felt so good and free inside.

"What are you doing?"

Dobby froze and looked up in shame, searching for an answer with his eyes welling up when he caught a glance of a perfectly shiny and round head.

He stood and watched the head in awe, while Professor Snape assumed he was being intentionally arrogant and began hitting Dobby over the head with the carrot.

"Maybe we should ask you what you are doing, Severus?"

Snape dropped the carrot and turned to face the magnificent bald man.

"Mr Lovesex! My lord- Forgive me, this-this impotent creature..." he cut off when he saw Mr Lovesex's unamused face.

After a moment or two of pause, Mr Lovesex opened his mouth to speak.

"Lick my head, Severus."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Snape stared at Mr Lovesex before inching forward and licking the salty, smooth surface of Mr Lovesex's head.

"Good boy, Luci- Severus." he grunted.

Snape drew back.

"You were going to call me Lucius," he said, hurt apparent in his voice.

Mr Lovesex stared.

"You've hurt my feelings."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Tom." Mr Lovesex replied shortly.

"Tom? As in Riddle?" Snape asked quietly, "But you said-"

However he was not able to continue his sentence as Mr Lovesex had shoved the carrot into his mouth, and pushed Snape's head down to his crotch.

Snape giggled nervously, something he had only ever done for Mr Lovecock previously.

He pulled the nylon green underwear from Mr Lovesex's crotch to reveal a chode, approximately 3/4 of 17 inches divided by a hundred times by the square root of pi and added preservatives. Snape and Dobby's eyes lit up. Dobby clutched at it first and unfortunately, it dropped off.

Shock.

Horror.

Mr Lovesex squealed and fainted.

Deciding the time was good to quote his favourite actor, he said, "Vell, I guess the plan vill vork viz two," which Gru had said in Despicable Me.

He looked down at Dobby and licked his lips elaboratly, making sure Dobby saw every single taste bud running over every single crack on his dry lips.

Dobby merely looked disgusted and pissed in the fireplace.


End file.
